I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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