yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
