just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
