So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
