Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
