so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
