I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize