Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
