Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
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David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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