i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
