Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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