Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
