Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
