So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
