I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
