just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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