so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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