There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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