9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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