So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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