in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
