I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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