when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
