Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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