Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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