I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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