just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
