I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize