rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
