Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
