She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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