ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
