In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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