Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
