I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
