Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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