just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize