yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I supernannyed him into submission
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
