I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
