Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
