I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
