Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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