They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
