You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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