I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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