If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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