SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
