ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
