He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
