so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So here I am, sexting at work.
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