At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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