It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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