So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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