If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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