I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
