At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
