Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
