Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
