Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
