it hurts more in the daytime
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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