dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
