I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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