I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
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Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
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I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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