He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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