pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Randomize