he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
