it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
