so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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