So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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