Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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