Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
my liver is dry heaving
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
