i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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