is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
