Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
