stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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