How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
