I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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