he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
