I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
