coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
