he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
