you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
