dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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