A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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